I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
