three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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