oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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