Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
