so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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