PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
