Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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