Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
