Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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