Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
