please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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