I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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