no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
