He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
