your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
