The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
