we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
