just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
