I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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