Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
