I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
