just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
