Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
