Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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