and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
