You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
