I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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