I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
