oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
