Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
