I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
