Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
