tonight lets celebrate not being married
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
