I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
