so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
