his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
