Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
