Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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