remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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