my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
