i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have aggressive nipples.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
