Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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