That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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