Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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