Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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