I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
