Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
