2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
