Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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