Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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